1962年10月20日
第三年。
1963年10月20日
第四年。
……
1989年10月20日
他去世的第三十年，那堵墙塌了。
秋即将凋零，冬不会再绽放。
1990年10月20日
他已经死了三十一年，我终于找到了一个地方，这里有如他眼睛一般、比夏日天空还要美的蓝。
我余生都将在这里赎罪。
沉默有罪。
从他出现在我面前的那一天起，我就惶惶不安。他的金发让我沉迷，他的蓝眼睛也是。
我本可以救他，却选择了保持沉默。
我的恐惧害死了他。
日记最后一行字是用英文写的，林衍没有再翻译。他把笔记本递给穆康，头也不回转身走了出去。
雪地反射的刺目日光映在发黄纸张上，文字捆绑住两道血潮澎湃的迥异灵魂，让它们纠缠不休，交织痛苦，凝固历史，穿透时光与有缘人相遇。
I live in the better half
And suffer twice the pain
——by Him
______________________
注：
关于这四段诗：都是德国诗人Wolf Biermann的作品，原文是德文我也看不太懂，毕竟和林指境界不同。文章里的中文主要是根据翻译后的英文版本，凭借我十分之一桶水的没有的翻译水平粗糙译成的，韵律什么的统统没有，实在对不住各位……更对不住Wolf Biermann先生。
不过穆老师听的是林指翻译后的英文，无论是诗韵还是含义都理解得很到位啦。
以下是英文版本，供朋友们参考。
On anxious friends by Wolf Biermann
1
There are these anxious friends, anxiously, constantly urging me
To flee this country: You've got to escape
To the outside world! A singer must sing! Even the West
Is becoming easternized. Communists are in short supply, and
Where now is there such a thing as Communism?
Put by your daily art for those who come after us
Make safe your bundles of paper and
Protect your 140 pounds from the clutches of those
Who see the people as their property. Look:
They've not put you behind bars before now
Only because it would have cost them too much! But what
If it costs them too much not to put you behind bars?
2
Ah, people who talk like that
Don't need me
They can perfectly well go on living
Just as badly as before
And without me
They treat me worse
Than they treat a lump of dry bread
What sort of talent would that be, my friend
Which so urgently needs to be saved for the world
And yet you can do without? Comrade
What works of art are they meant to be that can be
Let loose on mankind
And yet you don't need them as much as you need bread?
I'll give it to you in writing: If you don't
Need me here, what
Is the world supposed to do
With me?
But if you needed me, what
Would I need the world for?
No! The world needs me
h e r e
And posterity needs me
now!
3
Fine, say the anxious friends with relief:
Give it to us in writing
- three copies
- of the poem
- about anxious friends
for distribution!
State-saving confession of an enemy of the state by Wolf Biermann
For any man who does what I did, will never change
And even if he does change, then that changes nothing!
Even my repentance still reeks of incitement, no,
All conceivable confessions cannot stop up this bragging mouth
Therefore, have no pity on my pitiful self!
Down with my baseness! O, let this vermin be of some use:
This abject object lesson an instructive deterrent!
The Autumn has Its Autumn by Wolf Biermann
Softly
the snow eats up the gardens
The rust unleaves the beeches
And the wind
harvests with ease
Sparrows from the bald shrubs
The autumn has its autumn
Soon
The winter will bloom
One after the other
It tells its beads
and nature is calm
But we
Yes, but we